Thursday, April 12, 2007
So LFC made it through to the Semi finals. We beat PSV Eind. 4-0 on aggregate and are meeting Chelsea next. It's a scary place to be in, yet also exciting. If we beat Chelsea, we're either meeting Man U, which would be interesting and scary as all hell cause we've lost to them like 3 times so far in other league competitions and it looks like the stars are all aligne d for them this season...OR...we meet up with AC Milan for the finals..the same team we beat in 2005 in Istanbul and made us champions then. They'll be hungry for our blood, it's scary. As far as chasing titles goes, we're in an exciting place. But you gotta admit it's a scary situation to be in too. To lose to Chelsea and have Jose has the last laugh? To see Gary Neville mocking us with his snobbish fucking victory yells if we meet them in the finals and hand them the title? To face AC Milan again and remembering the gut wrenching match 2 yrs ago? ARgh! *takes a breather*
I had a talk with F.M.T a couple of days ago and it was fun but the one thing that remember vividly from it is how F&T are rushing to find that special one. It's cute that they want it but at the same time I want to hug them both and say dudes, you're young and you're great people...have the career you always want and enjoy life and when it's time, it'll come. I know it gets lonely sometimes and when you start seeing your friends getting married and having the perfect family that you've always dream of, it gets depressing...but i believe we all have our path to thread, it's different for everyone and we can only hope we get to taste them before we...well, die. lol. I'm glad though that they havent given up on that dream, who doesnt want a happy family of their own eh?
I'm having issues with mom, which she doesnt even know, because i didnt tell her because you know what that will earn me? just more guilt. so shut the trap and it's all good. it's the same old issue and im very good at dodging the bullets but when it creeps up on you when you least expected it, you cant help but dwell and think about it, and you know thinking is never good when it comes to this stuff, just get me all depressed.
Mom talks about suzi and I to Ina, which is understandable. I guess she needs an outlet for her thoughts or whatever. I know she talked to Ina about taking care of Suzi's kids when she finally have one (which is SO far ahead btw and tickles me quite muchly cause this is MOM and she's always thinking that far ahead and it's kinda cute, lol). She also confided in Ina abt her fears for me, you know, the unmarried one and yadayada. That's legit too since you know, mom wants the best for her kids and if they're all safely married, she can rest easy i guess?
But here's where it gets tricky though. She bought me this 'pretty' dress for my cousin's upcoming wedding, which is suspicious by all accounts cause you know, i'm not lacking of malay costumes to wear to a wedding. it'd be nice if she'd just say 'i figured you'd like this dress' and leave it at it. But then she went on to say 'it's black, you'll look slimmer in black, and you can curl up your hair, you look good in curls...'
I don't know...I'm sure she feels bad for me cause whenever i meet up with relatives they all go 'yana you've gained weight!'...maybe this is her way to 'help' me. But another part of me sometimes wonder if she's ashamed to hear ppl saying that about her daughter? She also said to lose some weight when all other reasons flung out the window.
I think the dress is kind of fug, even Rizal said so. But i'll wear it come the wedding day, no biggie, i've worn worst. The thing that I really feel bad about is that i didn't say thanks to her for buying me the dress and i know i hurt her feelings in the beginning when i totally showed her my sour face when she showed me the dress. Eh, she's just trying to help me out right? Lets look on the bright side...the dress is free!
Going to Ina's house this Saturday to celebrate Syirah's and Mom's bdays. We're having daging bamia with roti perancis you! Mom's specialty, i love that dish. *is salivating already*
Okay, i need to pee really badly and also, next Friday needs to come quickly, im missing my SN fix!
Thoughts @ 04:46 p.m.
Monday, March 26, 2007
I.
If death had wanted you, you’d be dead when you were 4.
Do you remember almost drowning at the kiddie’s pool? You told me it was your first trip too and they didn’t even bother with a float.
You were drowning fast in the midst of all the kids screaming and laughing at each other and no one noticed.
And your first thought was, wow, I’m drowning.
You said it felt like being in a washing machine, even though you’d never been trapped in one.
Your second thought was, I need to undrown myself.
You did.
And your parents didn’t take you seriously when you told them you almost drowned because you were four with a wild imagination and what kid actually undrowned himself?
You said you weren’t sure what to feel then but now, now thinking back, you said you were mad at them for not believing you. You could have drowned and died and you got a pat on the head for the effort of not dying instead.
I said, I believe you baby, and you smiled at me and said thanks.
II.
If death wanted to claim you, you’d be dead when you were 6.
You had been to that mall countless times, but it was never the same when you were alone, was it? You panicked when you realised you were no longer holding on to your dad’s hand. You couldn’t see your mom and there were no signs of BJ anywhere.
You didn’t cry. You retraced your steps back, making your way through the sea of legs and found yourself right outside the mall.
You were lost then. That was as far as you could go.
You told me a man took your hand and said, ‘follow me kid’ and you did.
You were five and you didn’t know any better.
The man led you back to the front steps of your house and told you to wait for mom and dad and you nodded your head and waited.
You couldn’t remember his face, you said. You didn’t think you even looked up to see, just took his hand and followed.
He could be a murderer for all I know, you told me while shaking your head at the memory.
Your parents came back home distraught but you heard your mom gasped, saw her running towards you and grabbed you in a vice grip hug and kept telling you not to ever do that again.
I told you perhaps it was an angel looking over you and you smiled and said, I’d like to think that.
III.
If death had loved you more than anyone else, you’d be dead aged 8.
You told me you woke up to a dark house and no one was around. You called out for your daddy because the last thing you remembered was sitting next to him and watching the telly with your sisters.
So you dragged a chair to the window and climbed on it. You said the window was rather old and the latch wasn’t really working. You remembered it was the fifth floor, a temporary apartment your parents had rented. You looked out the window, searching for dad and your sisters (you knew mom was at work).
You said when you were older, you had heard horrifying stories of kids falling off to their deaths because parents left them at home alone and windows were faulty or without safety grills installed and it often left you shuddering, thinking of what could have been.
I told you I’m glad Superman wasn’t your childhood hero. You said Ninja Turtles always had the coolest gadgets.
IV.
If death had marked you, you’d be dead at 14.
It was a simple task, you said. You were supposed to run to the small provision store and get a sack of rice. BJ wanted to tag along and you said okay.
It was a huge sack of rice. At least it felt that way when you were still fourteen. BJ offered to take turns to carry it but you said no.
There was only a single road you needed to cross to make your way back home. It was a huge road but you’ve crossed it a lot of times, used it on your way back from school and crossed it on your way to school every morning.
There was a car driving by, so you waited, called out to BJ to hold on.
Once the car passed by, you made a step forward. You said you always did that, always make the first step and BJ would follow right behind.
You said it happened too fast you weren’t sure what happened. You felt something hit you on the back, like a sideswipe, and BJ screaming your name and pulling you back. You struggled to balance yourself and the sack of rice in your hands because you knew you shouldn’t drop it or there’d be no rice to cook for everyone at home.
There was a motorcyclist right behind the car, tailgating. You didn’t see it even though you were sure the road was clear. The rear view mirror of the vehicle had hit you on the back and you barely registered the pain.
You told me your ribs hurt like hell for a week. Neither of you told your parents because by that age, you knew you shouldn’t have bothered. But the fact that you were so close to being run down did bother you, a lot.
I told you that I was glad you told me about it and that you were okay. You said you felt the same way.
V.
If death had wanted you so bad, you’d be dead at your 22nd birthday.
None of us were there, we were on hiatus, remember? You told us this story during our lunch break in the recording studio, before Never Gone was even born. There was this odd yet comfortable silence around us and you had uttered a single ‘huh’ and everyone looked up from their lunch at you.
AJ asked you first, if that huh was significant in any way. You had smirked and nodded your head and said nothing.
Howie asked if you were planning to share your significant huh with the rest of us.
You shrugged and asked us if we wanted to.
Brian said of course, he always loved your story telling, you’re always animated.
You told us we all came very close to being a quartet for this album. I asked if you had planned to quit the group. You shook your head so violently I thought you were having seizures! You said no, it never crossed your mind. I remember sighing in relief because I couldn’t imagine coming back to this group with one brother short. I guess I have no place to talk about that one now huh?
You said you were in Tokyo when an earthquake happened. You were sightseeing and were trapped in a restaurant. The building next to yours collapsed to the ground, but you suffered a gash on your head and a concussion to nurse.
You said you had a phone in your hands but there was no one to call.
I said I wish you had called me. You said you wished you did.
VI.
It’s a small cut on your arm. You probably didn’t even realised it was there. You had felt worst pains in your life, hadn’t you? This was nothing, right?
The doctors said the cut was infected, and whatever object that had made that cut in the first place, was rusty.
Brian said you had been looking pale and tired lately but touring always do that to you.
AJ said you collapsed in the middle of meet and greet. You always know how to make a grand exit.
Howie said the poison had spread to your blood and one of your lungs had stopped functioning. Latest news was, the poison was on its way to your kidney.
I wished I had been there.
Things are looking good right now baby. They’ve started dialysis to clean your blood and who needs two lungs when you’re good to go with just one right? They said they had to cut out a third of your kidney that was infected but you still have two thirds of it to survive on. They said you’ll need to take a lot of medications and your diet’s going to change a little (I know McD’s is going to be a bitch to look at) but the important thing is, you’ll live.
All we need from you right now is to wake up okay? Don’t give in to the darkness. I know it’s kind of confusing right now, but we’re here. If you could just…if you could…hear my voice…just follow my voice…and maybe…maybe find your way back home?
If death is here, tell him he couldn't love you enough to take you away.
Thoughts @ 05:25 p.m.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Team, you gave me a match worth waking up at 3.45 in the morning and okay, so i bitched abt the sleep deprivation part but i guess that's something i have to deal with huh? by half time, we were 10-1 on shots on goals and Riise, I love you and your awesome awesome six pack, but how much do i love your skills? VERY much. You were on fire, and i wait in anticipation for you to finally break that goal because dude, it's loooong time coming.
so we're through to the next stage of the CL, woohoo! and the fans were awesome, they sang till the end and when YNWA began, it was magic. Yes I sound cheesy but I'm also proud, so blah.
And just because this video has Riise topless...
Thoughts @ 06:06 p.m.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
I took urgent leave yesterday to escort them to the hospital and took care of my lovely nieces while Ina and Abg Lan went off to the labour ward. I spent a good few hours with the girls and goodness they're a handful! A few mothers asked if they're mine and I wish I could take credit for their cuteness. We spent a good time loitering at some waiting area and where a group of guys just decided to start putting up their stuff to start cleaning the roof of the hospital a few feet from us. So you have these guys, (kinda good looking) and it's just so unfortunate that I look like a mum with two kids in tow. Then I went to Delifrance to eat and Syirah spent the time being a waitress and looking through the menu as if she understands a word. Ain LOVES delifrance and asked if we can hang out there for a while, lmao. There was a good amount of walking again before we settled for McD's and the kids have their lunch. I just gave them fries and they're content. And Ain asked for her two packet of ketchup all on her own for the first time, it was adorable! of course little sister was in tow, giving support i guess, lol. too cute
I heard Kevin and Kristin are expecting! that's great news :D I wish he hadn't left Backstreet Boys though. It's going to be so odd seeing them again, but I'm guessing this next album would be the last one for a looooong time so I'm going to get all hyped over it while it lasts. I hope they come down again for a concert, that'd totally kick ass!
Read some spoilers for OOTP and I'm kind of disappointed that it's looking to be a Harry/DA/OOTP movie rather than Harry and his 2 sidekicks movie, lol...I know it's a Harry story that's a given, but I'm one of the minorities i guess, who love the sidekicks more than the hero? lol...I'm just glad it said no more eyebrow wiggling from Hr and no more 'i'm a coward and im scared all the time' face from Ron. I cant wait to get rid of Cho cause for some reason, I don't like her character, lol. I'm SO looking forward to Luna, she's one of my fav characters! But despite that, I have a feeling this would be my fav HP movie to date. I feel like a fangirl!
Tell me again, what possessed me to buy high heels shoes and then proceed to wear said demon-possessed item?
Thoughts @ 05:03 p.m.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
My Dear Liverpool,
You fought till the end. You didn't fall back into defense and hoped for a draw because there was only one thing in your mind, to win. And even though you deserved the 3 points just for giving all you've got and yet not get it, my support for you only strengthens. Because tonight, you remind me yet again, why I'm a fan. Thanks, for what its worth, i had a fun time screaming and yelling at the telly and mum and dad couldnt do a thing about it.
Also, thanks to Peter, who is right now at a Bukit Batok hawker center somewhere, buying us roti prata...and it's 1.31am according to this laptop's clock. I am salivating, can already smell the phantom curry wafting in this room....
Oohh...I dont know what came over me but i did some serious shopping this week! I FINALLY found a pair of jeans that comes in my size! whoohooo!! Dorothy Perkins is my new hero. Well, it did cost me bucks but gah, I closed both eyes...also bought 2 tops from DP and i like them muchly!
Also, I bought 2 very pretty shoes. Lets just hope I dont have too much problem wearing them the first few weeks because it's been a looong while since I owe a pair of heels.
And dear Ina, pop that baby out already! I want to see my niece!!
Thoughts @ 01:22 a.m.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
But did I listen? Did I squat!
First of all, thank fucking you Leo because now, now I’m friggin educated and every page of the news now just screams back GLOBAL FUCKING WARMING DIE HUMANS DIE! And that’s just traumatic for a girl like me, you know what I mean? Hey and I’m contributing, I don’t owe a car, do I?
So technically, I contribute less pollution than most rich people with cars.
Heh, that sentence is lame, of course rich people own cars, duh.
Secondly, I’ve been educated by Suzi about facial treatment last night and this morning I woke up, look at the reflection on the mirror and started pointing to self ‘that’s a wart…that one too…oh good lord that’s another one…yup that’s a whole colony right down there…’ and then I closed my eyes for a brief second and said, “Self, I know you’ve given up hope on actually finding a good guy to marry, but don’t you think it’s time to just find a rich guy as your finance..r?”
So for a good brief second I’ve managed to talk myself into being a bitch.
Of course after that I just couldn’t be bothered cause I was too happy I made a supernatural reference with my ‘what a bitch’ quote. I love my random omg that is SO supernatural! Moments.
Thirdly, I just realised just how wrong it is to name a muscled car as scary as the 67 Chevy Impala a friggin Impala. I mean, forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Impala a deer? So really, are we supposed to be scared of a muscled car named after a deer? It’s like having a school bully you feared all your life only to find out his real name is Sandy.
And here’s a question. When it said ‘your Insurance has matured’ what does it mean exactly? Did it grow by a year and become all adultish and can think for itself? I just find that term to be so funny.
Also, I think Voldemort is a Yellow Eyed Demon wannabe/groupie.
Thoughts @ 01:30 p.m.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
I dont think i've ever cried laughing from watching Supernatural. Tall Tales is definitely S2's answer to S1's Hell House. I thought Plaything was funny...this was something else...wished suzi were here to watch it with me, maybe then i might not sound as crazy laughing on my own.
Going to Ina's house today, sleeping there tonight cause Abg Lan and Ain left for M'sia today for the kenduri. And I hv off till Wednesday, yippee!!
And Arsenal had tea with the Queen...what?!
Thoughts @ 11:46 a.m.
Friday, February 9, 2007
I have no self-control whatsoever, this, shouldn’t surprise anyone.
So Maria and I were chatting while Mare was watching Supernatural and we were both reading spoilers and all that fun stuff. And then after the show, someone made a thread on CW about Jensen’s arm (and for the sake of anything spoilery, not that anyone’s reading this and Suzi would most likely have watched this episode by the time she reads this, I shall not say why Jensen’s arm was a hot topic today/tonight) and this is how the convo went:
Maria: Oh, we get a Dean bare arm scene, lol
Seriously Dean, that leather jacket is hot (like literally and figuratively speaking here) and you did take it off in Playthings but of course you teased us with your long sleeve shirt and all…but really, it’s time to wear more short sleeve shirts mkay? Come on now, Sam came out of the bloody shower with a TOWEL wrapped around his waist last season and he’s getting full frontal male nudity in an upcoming episode so a little bicep flex from older brother isn’t too much to ask for yes? Kripke, you there?
Then when maria decided to go to bed (because it was already about midnight where she’s at), we said our usual goodbyes and this was how it went:
maria: good night then
Yeah, because there right there? ‘sweet dean arms dream’? We said (typed, whatever) that at the EXACT same time! Only Maria hit ‘send’ faster than I do, lol.
What? Us? Addicted? No way! That’s SO rude!
Also, I’m so glad that my BSB/Supernatural crossover fic made a fellow reader watched Supernatural! She said in her review and I quote, ‘i know, i know. i already reviewed once for this chapter, but i thought you'd like to know that you inspired me to watch Supernatural and I just got through the pilot epi. and all i have to say is...I want to jump Sam's bones when he says "We've got work to do." *squeeeeeeeeeees while thinking inappropriate thoughts about the Winchesters* thanks, mersey!’
She wants to jump Sam’s bone. That made me giggle.
Also, while Jensen and Jared are hot and one can’t help drooling over their hotness because it’s a natural reaction thing…one needs to remember that the show is more than just pretty faces. Because come on, have you seen One Tree Hill? They’re filled with pretty faces but I couldn’t even sit through an episode without cringing and going what the fuck every five minutes! So yeah, at the risk of sounding cheap, go watch Supernatural okay? First season is airing on Channel 5 every Friday (that’s TONIGHT!!) at 10pm! AXN is an episode behind and airs them every Tuesday at 9. if you get TV2 from Malaysia, it’s airing every Sunday.
Wow…the entire purpose of this entry had just turned into a Supernatural thing…it says a lot about my life.
Thoughts @ 04:51 p.m.
Friday, February 9, 2007
Not that I'm calling anyone with a laptop who surfs the net on their bed at 12.31am a fatass because really, lazy comes in all shapes and sizes.
You know what's NOT awesome? Having to stay in a queue in the bank for 2 fucking hours because it's February you guys and if you're Chinese you are on the friggin line, changing new, crispy notes in time for CNY. Okay so fine, whatever, I understand that, but why in the world, pray tell, would you do this during office fucking hours??? Like seriously, don't you guys have to be at work?
That aside, everything was okay. I stayed in line like everybody else. I had my mp3 player with me so yeah, that helped a little. I did find myself swaying a bit when my eyes decided to droop and close for a second. 2 fucking hours wasted just standing there man.
But that's all right, I did the same fucking thing the day before, and 3 more times last week. I swear I was a veteran in the line at DBS Shenton Way.
And then after lunch, boss came in and said, 'Who's going to the bank?' to which I replied 'I've already been to the bank earlier today' and he said 'Okay, I want to reimburse my money, write a cheque for and cash it out for me'.
So here's the deal right. He's a friggin LAWYER. And he wants this cash like there was no tomorrow. Already I was imagining the friggin line, all for . So Lizah wrote the chq and I went on my merry way. Yeah, that's sarcasm you slow people.
Took me about an hour and 15 mins, where i spent doing these stuff, in no particular order:
1. sing along to 30STM's From Yesterday in my head
Only to be told that the chq was NOT signed.
Okay so, I'm a pretty laidback person, I'm patient enough, I understand a lot of things and know there is such thing as human error. But seriously, what the fuck dude.
Sure I was pissed, but remember about being a lazy fatass? Yeah, I was too lazy to even be mad at anyone in particular. Maybe that's why I needed to write this down. Maybe this way, I won't sleep tonight and dream of killer clowns going around the banks looking for unsigned chqs and start killing bosses who are stupid enough to not sign the damn thing and make poor girls queue up for hours for nothing.
Maybe I can dream of sugar pops and candy canes.
Thoughts @ 12:31 a.m.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Well hell.
That was quite a game huh? It was so BORING in the beginning. I'm probably so used to English football that watching the match in the beginning made me almost catatonic. But it picked up and things got hot and heavy, and not in the sexual way, I just love saying 'hot and heavy'.
I wished the tickets had came through for us but it didn't and seeing the sea of Reds on tv gave me some sort of nation pride that is usually reserved for 9th August and that was kinda cool.
We did have mini epok2, finger food and teh tarik sunway lagoon while watching. And oh, noise aplenty. And Syirah going 'Cik Na' every five seconds just because she likes saying it out loud. She's such a trip!
Got the laptop :D it's oh so cool! Only last night I chatted with mare at night on my bed, now that's awesome. What's not awesome is when the chat turned into mare talking about cheesecake factory and that she had a couple of slices sitting in her fridge and I was left salivating and dunking plain bread in my hot milo drink. Apparently the cheesecakes at Starbucks there are made from cheesecake factory, I wonder if it's the same for the ones here. I seriously want one now and oh, LFC have Valentine's Day special offer on selected stuff and I really want that '84 Euro cup final shirt, it's kind of pretty looking, and vintagy. Right.
Thoughts @ 10:08 a.m.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Well, maybe second to doctors, and let me ask you this, how do these people actually passed their exams? Did some old fart back at Cambridge actually sat through their horrendous handwritings and marked their papers? I'd totally fail these people in a heartbeat and no excuses about not everyone being born with a nice handwriting. We all went through kindergarten, we all struggled through handwriting lessons damn it.
Anyway, back to topic at hand. So my mind was a little (okay a lot) befuzzled and then everything just fell into place and I had a lightbulb moment. I love lightbulb moments, it made me feel less stupid. SO, today is the 1st year anniversary of my first ever BSB concert, i feel like i should do some fangirling stuff but I'm too tired and think i'll pass this one. Right now, i'd be at the Stadium, still reeling over the fact that I had just met the boys in Soundcheck, asked Brian my question and watched them fool around on stage as he answered. Four days after that, there were pictures online of Nick wearing the shirt i gave him for his bday. Appreciate the subtle shoutout Nicky :D...I miss the girls, of the time spent to get all our stuff done, of the meet ups and painting of the I Still Sheet, of the friendship forged becuase of these 5 guys and dude, being on the 2nd row....so yeah...here's hoping to another bsb concert :D
I want to fill our stadium with a sea of Red this Saturday, it's been a while since we get that buzz where local football is concerned, but Liverpool has a game this Saturday and my priorities are screwed up since like ever, so this one isn't so suprising after all. It'd be fun to watch i think, esp we have a lot of Malaysians working here in SG, I think the stadium might just see an equal amount of fans from both sides, now that, that would be interesting as all hell.
Might be meeting up with Pat, Xinyi and Mano this Friday, not sure if it's confirmed. I'm broke, but since we're getting our pay next week, I think i'm close both eyes and spend a bit this Friday if we're going out for dinner.
Oooh, laptop should be here today!! My uncle said he's going to get it for me, so hopefully it's there when i get back today. I hope mum cooks today, I skipped lunch and am now paying the price but isn't Jensen hot in my avvy?
Thoughts @ 05:02 p.m.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I had epok2 sardine for breakfast and lunch! and then mouthwatering chocolate cake courtesy of a very a nice, satisfied client a few minutes ago. Still hungry, which is understandable seeing how it's friggin cold and raining and yeah, i had 4 mini epok2 sardines for lunch, but also kinda worrisome (and i swear i just forgot how to spell that right!) cause i should really shed the pounds...or kgs, if you want to be so anal.
ok just done talking with suzi on the phone. she's interested in the 5 room flat offered near JP. dude if you get this, FINALLY, finally, we (i use the term 'we' very mildly here) get to feel what it's like to be in a big house :D
I got my package from my secret santa! it's Anna from New Zealand and she gave me tons of awesome stuff and bags full of CADBURY FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!! wooohooo!!! My gnome still hasnt get my package and im bouncing on my heels now, cant wait for her to get hers!
I don't have a new year's resolution and the nearest to one, currently, is
Thoughts @ 05:46 p.m.
Friday, January 5, 2007
Tonight, Dad was in front of the television. He was watching the cartoon network and smiling to himself. A big cup of coffee and a packet of nuts placed on the coffee table in front of him. Dad loves the Cartoon Network, even more so than her brother Rizal. Sometimes she wondered what it’d feel like, sitting next to Dad and laughing together as Dexter gets sabotaged by his sister.
Dad rarely watches the television with anyone else. None of her sisters like Cartoons that much. She thought it’s such a shame. A load of opportunities to interact with the ones you love goes to waste.
That didn’t matter tonight though, because she likes her alone time with Dad, even though Dad doesn’t even see her like the way she sees him. There was once, when she came for a visit late at night and dad was fast asleep and she had been careless, too consumed with her need to be even closer to her parents than she should and Dad had stirred. She didn’t have the opportunity to blend with the darkness before Dad caught sight of her. She went away before he could swim through his muddled thoughts and called out her name.
She sat next to him, wishing to feel his hardworking arm across her shoulders, his calloused fingers gripping firmly to pull her into his warm, safe embrace…
“Apa khabar Pak?”
He laughed and reached forward for his coffee. He took a sip and returned the cup to the table and let his body lax against the worn out leather of the couch.
Dad is old now, he has been aging gradually throughout her visits but she knows one thing will always stay the same - Dad’s smile. Dad rarely smiles, not because he has no reason not to, but because he was often by himself in this house when he was actually at home and there is no reason to smile on his own; unless of course, when something on tv made him to.
She rises from the couch and strut across the living room, making her way to the first room she passes by. A lazy voice was reciting a verse from the Quran, droning away. His inner voice screaming, wondering when this would be over, his mind already wandering off to a near-distance future, where he’d be out there with his friends, more talks of dreams and making it big one day. Hollywood Dream…
A female voice cut him off unguarded, pointing out a mistake he had made. She could feel his unease, his utter boredom, the rushing of the young blood, wanting nothing more but freedom to do anything his heart desires.
“Adik, adik…” she chided, laughing softly to herself as she crouched down by her little brother’s side. You’d thank mom and dad for this one day, she thought to herself. Her only wish for her baby brother is for one day, she’d come visit him and he’d be singing to the holy verses and she’ll celebrate his win. For now, she takes a moment to savour his gift. The gift that even he himself, isn’t aware he was giving to her. “Terima kasih ‘dik.”
Leaving him to his ‘torture’, she made her way out of his room and went for the one next door…
Thoughts @ 05:44 p.m.
Friday, December 1, 2006
Reach Out
Patience
The first single. Radio friendly, yes? And awesome, contagious chorus. Before you know it, you’d be going ‘don’t be too hard on my emotions cause I…’ It’s a Gary track again and very guitar driven. I love the background vocals dragging the ‘I’, ‘Time’, ‘Try’ and ‘Ahhhh’ for what felt like miles away.
Beautiful World
Hold On
Shine
I’d Wait For Life
Ain’t No Sense In Love
What You Believe In
Mancunian Way
Wooden Boat
Thoughts @ 02:59 p.m.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
You can spend your whole life buildin'
You can chase a dream
God is great
This world's gone crazy
You can love someone with all your heart
You can pour your soul out singin'
I sing
Thoughts @ 05:25 p.m.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Order of The Phoenix -- clickety me :D
I love what they did for Tonks. She looks awesome.
Thoughts @ 05:47 p.m.
Friday, November 10, 2006
It’s funny how a word or a picture or even a flash second of a memory can result to a breakdown. The breakdown in itself is quite funny, because for me at least, I have the choice of either taking it all in with a hitch of piercing breath to the heart (lung, if you want to be so technical and less of an emo or you can replace ‘breath’ with ‘spear’, which would garner you more points under the emo category but not so much for technicality) followed by a quick blink of an eye and it’s over or I could mutter a silent ‘not now’ and yet I allow the emotion to push to the front and the tears to fall and wrap myself with anguish for as long as I feel like feeling sorry for myself before putting an end to it. It’s quite revealing how one can control this, even when, the idea of a breakdown, for me at least, is letting it all go; a no holds bar kind of a deal.
Breakdown is also a ‘I don't give a shit’ thing to do, because it’s the only moment, I think, where you don’t tend to give a damn for the kids dying of hunger in third world countries, or the fact that there are wars going around the world, women still captured for sexual slavery or that fathers are dying because apparently they’d rather die than bruising their ego and making peace…all these, doesn’t really matter when you have a breakdown…because it’s the only time (lets hear it…I think,) where you feel like the most unluckiest, pathetic, unloved person in this world. Gawd, look at me! I’m suffering, I’m in emotional pain, can anyone hear me?
You are, most definitely, rendered into the most whining ass bitch (or sonofabitch) in the world. But do you care? Hell no.
Breakdown is a funny thing. It’s ugly and selfish yet refreshing and needed, all at the same time. Then once it’s over, all is back to normal, depending on what ‘normal’ is to you, as far as everyday life goes; that is, until the next breakdown comes along. The best part is, you can never tell when the next one will be, you can only hope you won’t be stuck in the middle of a crowd and your brain (or heart if you decide to stick with the emo crap) chose to have full blown out type of breakdown…watery eyes, runny nose, blotched mascara (optional) and gasp, no tissues in sight; now wouldn’t that be a bitch and a half?
Thoughts @ 02:53 p.m.
Friday, November 3, 2006
Now your 2nd present...which isnt all that much, but i figured since i've already given you your present yesterday, i cant just not give anything today. and since im broke, i can only give you something that doesnt require a single cent ...just some stupid muse.
This really should be a sister-ish story but chick flick moments isnt really our thing, is it? lol...so i thought this one might be more entertaining to read. Hope it makes you laugh a little. And remember to watch the commercial when you can...*shudder*
THAT'S WHAT BIG SISTERS DO
Thoughts @ 02:56 p.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
*SNORTS* ;)
Thoughts @ 11:50 p.m.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Thoughts @ 04:17 p.m.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
family wise...no family is perfect, we have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, i think im lucky to have the family that i have. sure i can never be best friends with mom, or that i'm not as open with my dad, but they've never really abandoned me when it mattered. they might not know half of the story about my life but they know enough and worry enough about me.
I have awesome relationships with my sisters and i think rizal is beginning to mature enough for me to stand him, lol.
I have awesome friends that i keep close with me. i dont have that many to begin with but the ones i have, i know i can trust my life with them.
It's hard to feel down and sorry for myself when I see people around me not having these things that i have. It's harder still when these people are friends of mine. To see them struggling with their own family and trying to break free and to be their own person...
im not saying im better off though. i have my occasional (i know i spelled that wrong! lol)'im such a loser!' moments but lately, i find myself stopping myself from feeling sorry for me (LOL), that i should just suck it in and face it. I personally think it's a good thing. yup. i can do without the emo stuff anyway.
i cant wait for suzi's engagement and im hoping lily wont go into labor anytime this week, i really want her to be here, it'd be awesome, the lil things' gals together, lmao. every morning i wake up i keep thinking about this saturday...i have this list in my head, checking them off every now and then to ensure that everything is running smoothly. sometimes i remind suzi stuff or ask her stuff that she told me a few weeks ago just to see if she remembers about them, lmao. i dont know what's going on in her head right now, i mean, it's not my engagement and im bloody excited! wtf?! lol
alrigty, waking up at 2.30 to watch LFC vs PSV Eindhoven so i need to go to bed nowwwww.
Thoughts @ 11:02 p.m.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
- - - - - - - Your Life: The Soundtrack - - - - - - - -
Opening Credits: Black Balloon ~ Goo Goo Dolls
Waking Up: Slow Down ~ Ben Jelen
Falling in Love: When Susanah Cries ~ Espen Lind
Fight scene: I'm Good ~ Blaque
Breaking up: Say Goodbye ~ Tommy Lee feat Nick Carter
Getting back together: Unfaithful ~ Rihanna
me: I want us to get back together
as background plays 'i might as well put a gun to his head...'
Secret Love: We Might As Well Be Strangers ~ Keane
Life's okay: Moving On ~ Backstreet Boys
Mental breakdown: Miss You Love ~ Maria Mena
Driving Flashback: My Baby You ~ Marc Anthony
Partying: Naive ~ The Kooks
Happy dance: I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor ~ Arctic Monkeys
Regretting: Lose It All ~ Backstreet Boys
Final Battle: Remember When It Rained ~ Josh Groban
Death Scene: Never Gone ~ Backstreet Boys
Thoughts @ 08:41 p.m.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
So anyways, we had fun talking about silly stuff, of course there was a bit of the whole Kevin left BSB talk but it wasn't depressing at all actually.
After dinner we met with Shela and we hang out at the mcDonald's cafe along Lido cause Shela hadnt taken her dinner and they were showing the repeat of France vs Spain. Then we started reminiscing on the whole SG NG Concert. That one was too funny cause Liza and Fiera werent anywhere near us during Soundcheck so we get to hear their side of the story and what happened on the other end of the stage as oppose to what we saw at our end. I cant remember what the fuck was too funny but we were laughing like crazy.We left a little after 9 cause Fiera needed to head back to JB to her family. If I'm not mistaken she has like a week left of hols before she heads back to KL.
Also glad to hear that Fiera's mum is on remission, lets hope she stays cancer free forever :D
PA is one of the places hit badly by flood so I'm rather worried for Mare. So far she's doing great, most likely cause her apartment is up on a hill, but still, i cant help worrying. It was nice to find her online earlier today!
And if i ever find out who the stupid fuck who first started the rumor that I'm happily married, I'm going to hex that person SO bad! I first found out abt it from my PRIMARY school friend in like 1999, right after i finished ITE. I thought ok fine, maybe it's a one time thing. And then I met a few more of my friends and a couple of my SECONDARY friends and they asked me the same bloody thing. Now that was like a few years ago and I told them as much as i want that to be true, I'm not! And then now, heard from a friend from ITE that he heard I've been married for awhile and asked how many kids I have now. wtf? Maybe there's an alternate universe me out there living the perfect life i'm still waiting to happen?
suzi said my other person must be living a dull life, just taking care of kids but i told her no way, my other person is living the life cause she has sex with her husband every fucking day.
Why is it i cant friggin sleep at night and then struggle to stay awake in the morning and even with the lack of sleep the entire day i still find myself wide awake at night only to have the cycle repeat itself?
Thoughts @ 11:24 p.m.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Well it's official now. I know to non fans this sounds ridiculous but after 10 years, it's a huge deal. Here's a Kevin montage brilliantly done by Carrie. Weird how we'll never see anymore of these in the future...Hmmm...
Thoughts @ 08:23 p.m.
Friday, June 23, 2006
And now time for a recap using random smileys because eh...why not! lol
Brian tells fan about Kevin leaving
The word leaks out to the masses and people panic
Howie comes out and says huh? Real fans know the truth or something like that lol
This divides the fans
Brian starts being cryptic
We start getting annoyed
and sad
and annoyed again
people start getting banned
Nick is ignoring blondes and drinking
AJ says Kevin is leaving to some random guy
we are all like
And where is Kevin through all of this?
but at least it brings the fans closer together
for now
The end...
And adding on as of this morning (21/6/06)...
Emjay says his friend mentioned that sometimes Kevin hates us because we 'talk' about rumors lol
While totally ignoring the fact that if they are rumors his own COUSIN started them lol
22/06/06...
Thoughts @ 01:03 p.m.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Then on Saturday Nizar's parents came. That was rather funny...the awkwardness and all. The only wrong thing was when Dad started a full on attack on the whole how Yana was born such a small baby and how she had to be incubated for weeks and then turning up to be the biggest child out of the 4. Like hello? isnt this about suzi? Tell something embarrassing abt her! lmao.
On sunday we went to escape theme park. The entire family. It was really fun. it had been awhile since we did something like this together. Im surprised Ain isnt afraid to try out the rides. I still cannot get over the haunted house though. Like, you know who you can trust when you're put in a situation, lmao...and dayum, who would have thought Rizal would be the first to quit and wanted out of there? *is still laughing* I wonder wtf happened to us in there...like please, we KNOW it's FAKE, why were we panicking? lmao. too funny.
last night everyone was watching the soccer match on tv, i was in my room chatting with mare cause i promised her i'd be online for a bit at night. And then i heard this beautiful noise of my parents, my sister and my brother yelling at the Croatia team to buck up. Nevermind if dad kept yelling for Costa Rica. wtf? but yeah...it was nice to hear your family enjoying the same thing in this house for once, lol.
I also thought it was cute that mom and dad took their first viking ride together. to be fair, i think suzi and I handled it worst than them up there.
I love how nice and supportive everyone is on LD. We're not even 100% sure kevin is leaving only that something IS up on BSBland with regards to him but everyone is worried, lol. Well, if you have nothing constant in your life and take refuge in the form of their songs and the whole bsb fandom, then there IS something to worry about.
I'm out of here. Very hungry man.
Thoughts @ 05:50 p.m.
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World, I present to you Nur Batrisyiah Binte Roslan, my 3rd niece born 5th March 2007! It'd be awesome if I come bearing pictures but alas, I don't have any, for now, heh. She weighs in at 3.something kg and is adorable to hold! She looks like Ain did when she was first born. Syirah is none too happy about being a big sister right now, hopefully that will change soon, lol.
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Didie is being uber adorable and he didn't have to do much of anything but sleep. I've been keeping track (because I'm bored like that)and he had done the whole clockwise rotation and omg just plain cuteness. Twice I caved and decided to squish him but of course he bit back and give me the 'gerrofme bitch!' look. My baby is a full blown teenage rebellion, he only needs me when he wants food/drink and a little scratch behind the ear. *sigh*
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So I was bored and said to myself, “Self,” (said I) “You have got to STOP being so paranoid and burst into random thoughts all the time!”
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I keep telling myself, now Yana, do NOT, under any circumstances, go into the Supernatural CW board on Friday, no matter how bored you are at work, because you do not want to read spoilers of the episode that is currently being played in the US when you know you’re going to watch it later tonight.
Me: Oh wait, what?
Me:Yes, like FINALLY!
maria: ROTFL
maria75o: i can't believe my first post in cw is about dean's arm
me: goodness...it's been a while since Skin!
maria: sweet dean's arm dreams
maria: LOL
me: sweet Dean arms dream :D
me: OMG!!!!!
me: NO WAY!
maria: OMG
me: lmao!!!!!
maria: =))
me: =))
me: ok we SO need help
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2. watch this young couple and their baby girl on the couch
3. watch this young couple and their baby girl on the couch going you fucking bastards, cosy on that couch aren't you?
4. watch this young couple's baby girl and she reminded me of Kak Ani's baby girl.
5. tried to come out with a solution to my latest chapter of Children Like Me
6. Skipped Jessica Simpson's 'I belong to me' and wondered wtf was that song doing in my playlist
7. hates the solution I came up with and decided I've just screwed myself over
8. Decided Breaking Benjamin seriously rocks
9. picked up the small pillow that the baby had managed to throw over the couch
10. tried for another solution and decided maybe I'm not screwed, screwed
11. shifted from one heels to another because standing like this? Yeah, a bitch to my aching legs
12. picked up the small pillow again. Ah, she's cute this baby. And she looked at me as if I just saved her life. Seriously, she was squeeling, probably going 'You're such a great samaritan, thank you for saving my pillow, enjoy your queue'
13. this goes on for another till I get to the counter
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SINGAPORE 6 MALAYSIA 5
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WOW. I got a text message from Firah today and she said 'Happy 1-year-of-the-concert people!' and it took me a while to figure out what she meant by that. I'd like to put the blame/excuse on being at work and for once, actually had work-related stuff to do, also, struggling to figure out my boss' handwriting, because you know, apparently, lawyers might be educated and all that academic stuff, but they possessed the worst ever handwriting!
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51% of American women living without spouse...Reckon i should move to the US? Or at least show this article to mum? lmao. 
scheming convincing my dad to give me a loan to buy me a treadmill because of obvious reasons known to many. think it'll work?
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Very radio friendly and easy to the ears. It’s a Gary track by the way. It has a contagious, sing a long chorus. Good choice to start with. Guitar driven and so not classic Take That, then again, most of the tracks in this album are nowhere near classic Take That.
The 3rd track and also the title to the album. It’s a very uplifting song, makes you wanna go grab the person next to you and sing at the top of your lungs together. It’s a Howard track. ‘do you feel, what I feel, every time that you are near…it’s a beautiful world…’ Sing it Howard!
I love the guitar strumming bit in the beginning, and if you’ve been following Mark’s very underground-ish solo albums, there’ll be no doubt in your mind that this is a Mark track before you even hear his voice. Solo career seem to agree with him, because he sounds SO much better than he ever used to be ten years ago. In some places in this track, you forget it’s Mark and thought you’re listening to Coldplay (for me at least). Mark is the self-proclaimed Indie of this group.
Like I Never Loved You At All
Is there any doubt in your mind, with title track like this, that this will be a Gary track? Lol…It’s a very sweet ballad, not heavy, still catchy yet very antsy, as all brokenhearted songs tend to be. Piano and guitar driven.
Oh my God! It’s a VERY Mark track, it reminded me of one of his solo songs. What stood out with this track is that it’s different. And I love the fact that you can hear Howard, Gary and Jason harmonising, clearly, at the back. I Love, love, love this track. It’s also very…British…you know, the kind of track where when you hear it, there is no doubt it’s 100% made in the UK. And good lord, best Mark vocal so far.
Starts off very mildly, with piano. This is a very Gary ballad, love it. ‘there’s a voice shouting inside my head, there’s a space on your side of the bed, there’s a hope every time there’s a sound, there’s a silence that’s playing too loud, yeah…I don’t know where you are, or how you may be, but I know I’ll love you still, if you ever turn away, if you ever changed your mind, if the road ahead becomes too hard to climb, if there’s something in your heart that tells you to stop, oh to hold you close, tonight, I’d wait for life’
Yay we’re back to a little more upbeat track. Gary track again. It’s one of those radio friendly tracks I think, with that winning formula of a very catchy, contagious chorus.
I love the start of this song…all oooohhh and then the strumming of the guitar and then a very base voiced Mark Owen (surprise!). What is it about this track that I love so much? Lol…it has that old feeling to it, kinda vintage, lol.
Howard sings this one, yay! I LOVE this song. I think this song is mildly about them and the fans. ‘i’m coming home again, back down mancunian way’ …it ended with a little girl singing, I’m thinking it’s Gary’s daughter. Or Howard’s, lol.
The track that all Jason fans especially, are waiting for. You hear him and you wonder why he doesn’t get that many leads. While the song is ‘simple’, it does compliment his voice. And gosh, it’s a country ish song, isn’t it? ‘breathe deep, who knows how long this will last…’ says volume right there.
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Somethin' from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
That seems so outta reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
(Yeah) I do it anyway (yeah, yeah)
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah, sing it anyway, yeah yeah
I dream
I love anyway
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Bellatrix Lestrange is dark and evil, woohoo
Luna Lovegood is SO Luna, it's not even funny
Sirius is back!!!
Snape's 'then prove it!' I love him and his greasy, black hair
So THAT'S a thestral! lol
And Grawp looks scary yet kind of weird
The gorgeous SETS!
Harry's hair is not Harry ish at all, but me think Dan is way better in this one than GOF
My book fandom geeky self cant help it but grin at the Ron/Hermione blink and you'll miss it moment
I think my fav scenes will have to be the whole DA and the final battle at the Ministry.
July 13th 2007? this is KILLING me!
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Quiz Galaxy Predicts that Ariana's Last Words Will Be... "Remember me as I was - lazy" 'What will your last words be?' at QuizGalaxy.com
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i know it has been a while since i last update. sometimes i dont see the point anyway, my life is pretty boring, lol. But i guess boring is safe and safe is well...something i should appreciate. i just want to say, without having to reveal much for the sake of keeping identities a secret...that i feel very blessed in life. i mean, i dont have a bad childhood, i can still look back and remember happy stuff and laugh at them. some of us doesnt have that. some of us block our childhood completely.
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So, here's how it works:
- Open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
- Put it on shuffle.
- Press play.
- For every question type the song that's playing.
- When you go to a new question press the next button.
Some songs fit perfectly.
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ah nice...that's what I always do when I have to wake up, slow the friggin down and gimme another five minutes!
Lmao! This song is about a guy cheating on his girlfriend, how is that falling in love I'll never know.
I guess this will have to be a break up fight scene as the background goes I'm good I'm good I'm good without you...?
LMAO!! I guess the title is fitting enough.
Oh lord, how is this getting back together?
boy: me too, i miss you so much
Hmm...this definitely doesnt fit, but if my soundtrack has a Keane song in it, who am I to complain?
Somehow fitting yet doesn't, lol.
LMAO! Well, the lyrics does have the word 'breakdown' in it.
YAY, it's a fast song!
hehe, good one.
Aww, okay i guess in some ways it fit... 'And if i lose it all there'll be nothing left to lose...'
*as she cries over dead bodies everywhere*
LMAO!!!! This is PERFECT! even though for now we've got to say goodbye i know you will forever be in my life, never gone...
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Same Same!
Good buddy Fiera decided to drop by SG yesterday so we had a sort of a last minute meet up along with mano, liza (the tall one, lol) and shela joined us about an hour later. Had dinner at Puncak, all four of us starving like mad. Started talking crazy and making fun of the group Same Same. Honestly, what makes a person thing Same Same would THE perfect name for a band? Performing for one night only at the SG Indoor Stadium, pop sensation Same Same with Opening Act: Orange! -- Yes, there was a pop group called Orange, believe you me.
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As posted by BityBella @ LD
Apparently Kevin is going to release a statement as early as tomorrow (Sat morning for me). Let's
see what the man has to say...*is hopeful*
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I have to say this weekend had been very productive as far as family is concerned. Ain slept over on Friday so there was a lot of entertaining her needs. She's such an inquisitive kid with all the whys and whos and the wheres...she can easily tire me out. Sometimes i wonder how Ina takes care of the two of them 24/7. As much as I love kids, I seriously don't think I'm ready to have one. Well, not that I'm going to have one anytime in the near future but yeah.
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